i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
