Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
