We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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