They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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