I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize