All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
