Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
