I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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