Ambien. No doubt about it.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
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The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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