I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
