Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
