He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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