My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
