singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
