Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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