eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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