So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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