The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Randomize
