dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
