Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
