Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
