update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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