If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
