is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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