did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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