Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
