My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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