I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
