So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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