dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
