my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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