Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I could make wine with my vomit
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
