how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
