I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
