Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
