The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
