ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
