i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
