whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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