I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
