I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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