He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
