I must be too annoying 4 u.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My vagina just recognized that song.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
