they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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