well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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