I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
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Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
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The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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