You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
