Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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