Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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