Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
