Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
