Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
