What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
