i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
