'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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