I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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