i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
