I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
These tits shall not be calmed
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
