I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
