it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
