the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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