I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
