yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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