She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
