just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
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She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
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This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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