You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
