WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
