hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
do herpes really smell.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
