Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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