i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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