Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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